Helicopter Mom. I want to talk about the term.
Our friend Lisa said she finds it offensive. I don’t disagree with her and I hope she’ll write more about that this week.
I want to tell you how the word made me feel the first time I heard it. It reminded me of the worst of me.
The truth is, when I “hover” over my children — in the living room, in the playroom, on the playground — it comes from a place of anxiety. I feel out of control. I am scared of them. They have control over me.
Nolan calls me a professional mom. He says my “continuing education” is my stack of parenting and child rearing books. Of course, I feel guilty that I haven’t finished many of the books. I haven’t done all the research. I’m too busy practicing as a mom. Maybe I should have studied more before I became a mom.
Another truth: In my heart I know that the only parenting book I need is the one I’m writing in my head, as I go along.
I’m a better parent when I’m not sleep deprived.
When I’m consistent, my children behave beautifully.
When I’m confident, they sense it.
I’m a happier mom when I feel connected with my husband.
I need at least four hours away from my children every week. Maybe more than that.
When I’m relaxed, my children are relaxed.
So forget all the parenting books, the parenting philosophies, the terms. I’m going with my gut. I’m sure there’s a book on that, too.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
love this, kate! miss you!
Love this.
Yes, parenting from the gut…my favorite philosophy too.
I think my favorite thing about Heli moms is that men are not aloud to talk about them!
ever:-)
It really is the only way, and every mom and dad gets there eventually- to the chagrin of the writers of all those books…
Steph
Bravo! One of the most liberating moments of my life was when I literally threw some parenting books out the window … yes, actually tossed them from the window of our bedroom onto the porch below
I was a FTM and those books had me convinced that I was DOING IT WRONG, and would somehow scar my baby for life if I didn’t do X and such. However, every time I tried one of those “techniques,” it didn’t work and it just made both of us miserable. Once I abandoned the books and learned to fully trust my instincts, he was happier and I was much more confident that I could, in fact, do this. 
Now, I will say this … some of the books do have pearls of wisdom that have served me well with sleep, discipline, etc. But the trick is to pick and choose those bits which you feel or know will be right for you and your baby, and leave the rest.
Also, kudos to you for recognizing how important it is to take time for yourself. Somehow, some moms these days are getting the message that if you’re not absolutely killing yourself, you’re doing it wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth.
One of the best pieces of advice came from a nurse at Chicago’s Prentice hospital after my oldest son was born. She said, “The baby didn’t read the manual.” It enabled me to feel guilt-free about all the unread books on my night-stand, including the one about healthy sleep habits. I was much too tired to read that one. Sorry, self-help authors. But if you can’t provide the short-paragraph, better-than-cliff-note summary of how to raise my child, I’m gonna figure it out with a little help from my friends. The best advice comes with a friendly, compassionate hug anyway.